I thoroughly suggest you make a little latte or tea time with your little one. If not for the interesting conversation about what happened on Sesame Street, then for the simple fact that in a few years he won’t want to be seen with me. Right now I am absolutely awesome to be around. My son runs to me when I walk through the door still! I know that I am on the countdown until the day comes when I ask him to go to our Latte & Milk breakfast and he’ll tell me he has plans with his friends…and I’m not invited! I don’t think you’ve ever felt rejection until you’ve been rejected by your child, niece or nephew. It’s worse than the rejection from the teenage mean girls click… way worse! You go from being this untouchable glowing God-like figure that knows everything and can do no wrong, to the person that doesn’t know anything and does everything wrong! Everyday you breathe is a day that you find a way to ruin their lives and embarrass them!

So for now I’ll take my little random mornings with my toddler, steamed milk, lattes, and toddler spreukin with a large glorious smile!

Mommy’s Taca Turkey Tacos

(Why the Taca? Well my Aunt Nannie was creole and you know creole people make up all kinds of names for things, especially when they get old. She called Tacos, Tacas with an ‘A’. LOL! I miss her so, that I use some of her sayings to feel better)

Ground Turkey (White Meat)

Olive Oil

Cilantro

Fresh Garlic

White Onion

Roasted Salsa

Salt

Lemon Pepper

Cumin

Oregano

Chili Powder

Black Pepper

Mince your onions & garlic. Roughly chop the cilantro. Saute onions & garlic in olive oil. (I use a big pot because I use a lot of meat. I also add a little salt to my onions & garlic to open up the flavors a bit). Saute until the onions are translucent and add cilantro. Saute and then add ground turkey. Add all seasonings. With turkey, you may need to add more seasonings because the meat is very bland. Once the meat is brown and crumbly add your salsa. Stir and let simmer for a bit.

Now as far as trimmings I don’t use the average stuff. For the lettuce topping I’ll replace it with shredded cabbage or dark leafy greens. I like thinly shredded colby or white crumbly queso.  I chop avocados, no tomatoes. When in LA, I use a variety of tortillas. I love the handmade tortillas my grandma gets in East LA. I also love the Brown Rice Tortillas from Trader Joes. When I was in Texas HEB had these handmade small corn & flour tortillas they made fresh. They didn’t last long, not a lot of preservatives in them, but you end up eating them up before they go bad anyway! HEB also has a mild Roasted Salsa I LOVE!! When in LA I get my salsa from Deli-Mex. Ask for Abraham, tell him Valerie’s daughter sent you! His salsa is made fresh daily and is the best salsa I’ve ever had. When we lived in Monrovia, and we came to the valley to see my mom, Steven had to stop there or he would make me stop and bring some back home! And then he would just eat it straight with chips for a meal!! LOL! In Atlanta, a store called Boxcar Grocer has a really good brand they sell called Zocalo Salsas. They have a really good Chipotle Salsa. Spicy and delish!

If you are having a dinner party a great little set up is making up a taco bar. Have a big bowl of salad with some of my homemade dressing (see recipe below), black beans, rice and the fixings. You can spray the tortillas with a little of the Pam’s Organic Olive Oil Spray and place them in the oven for a few minutes to warm them up. Then cover them and put out for self-serve.

Homemade Salad Dressing (I stole this from my big sis, Essence)

Olive Oil

Balsamic Vinaigrette

Honey

Flax Seeds or Poppy Seeds (for texture)

Combine Olive Oil, Balsamic vinaigrette & Honey in microwave safe bowl. Heat for 30 seconds and then whisk together. The heat helps it mix. Everything is to taste. If you like a sweet dressing, more honey & less vinegar. If you like a savory, tart dressing, less honey & more vinegar.

Seeing Jaxon and Joden being so excited to see one another and enjoying every minute they are together makes me feel so warm and excited inside for two reasons. A. Joelle and I have been friends since before we were born! Joelle’s mother, Lucy and my grandmother, Cleonia have been BFF’s since they were 5 & 6 years old! Our families are from New Orleans and both settled in Los Angeles around the same time. Lucy & Cleonia grew up down the street from one another, our families were connected in what some people refer to as the great Creole Migration! Joelle is the youngest of her parent’s two children and is only a few years older than me. Because of this, Joelle and I would play together on the weekends I was at my grandmother’s house. Now we have both had our first children a little over a year apart from one another and THEY love each other. It’s a pretty awesome exciting feeling, most of all for Cleonia & Lucy. Unfortunately, Lucy passed away in early 2011, but I know she’s watching the boys from afar enjoying every minute. On another bittersweet note, now was around the time that Steven and I had marked as the time we would start having more children. Of course now that we are not together, those plans have been scratched and placed on the back burner until I find Mr. Right. But I see how great of a big brother Jax would have been, will be I should say. That’s always a good feeling.

Now back to the museum. Last night was a lot of fun. Basically, every month they put on a special themed night that is free from 4-8pm. They have some kind of main activity and then they keep their baby playroom & big kid exploring rooms open for free play. Last night because of the rain their program was pushed indoors, but it was still just as fun. They had a little workshop where the kids rotated in and out playing activities & singing songs around African Drums led by a man in traditional African attire. Now my kid heard the music and wasn’t trying to sit and watch, he was up dancing and singing! Once we stayed for a few sessions of the drums, we then walked over to the play area where Jax ran around exploring each exhibit with his cape flapping behind him!

I can’t wait to take Jaxon & Joden during the day when we can explore The Trike Track, Kirby’s Kid’s Corner, The Arroyo and Gardens! There is so much for kids to do there at all stages! The baby play section is a sock only zone and babies are free to crawl around and enjoy one another and then venture outside with the bigger kids in Kirby’s Kids Corner. It’s the perfect place if you have multiples at different stages. They also have Baby, Toddler & Kid’s classes throughout the week that combine music, socia skills and other necessary lessons of learning. I encourage you to check it out!

KIDSPACEMUSEUM

Brookie Brookie Super Yummy Super Bowl Queso

Ground Beef (Or you can use Turkey, chicken, pork or lamb. With Chicken or Turkey, use an extra bay leaf and cumin)

Pepper Jack Cheese

Sharp Cheddar

Velveeta

Chopped Green Chiles

Roasted Salsa or Pico De Gallo (I use mild because I’m not a big fan of spicy food)

Limes

Chili Powder

Garlic Powder

Bay Leaf

Black Pepper

Salt

Cumin

Green Onions

Fresh garlic

Fresh Onion

Chop garlic and onion. In one pot melt your Velveeta, Pepper Jack & Cheddar cheeses. Keep fire on low and stir until all cheese is melted together. Brown ground meat and shake in your salt, pepper, cumin, chili powder & garlic powder seasonings. Add your bay leaf, onions & garlic to the meat. Squeeze in some fresh lime juice. Brown and then drain excess oil. Add meat, salsa & green chillies and stir. Let sit for a little bit before serving so flavors marry. Chop up some green onions and place on top for color. You can add as many or very little chilies to your salsa depending on your taste. You can also use your own preferred taste when it comes to the salsa heat.

Mommy’s Master Wings

Drummettes

Salt

Pepper

Lemon

Frank’s Red Hot Buffalo Sauce

Butter (2 sticks… Yes I know! I’m going Paula Dean on you!)

Tomato Paste

Tabasco Sauce

Honey

Marmalade Jam

Grapeseed or Vegetable Oil

Heat up your oil in a pot to fry the wings. Salt & Pepper your wings, then fry. No dredging or flour needed. Fry until they’re brown and crispy. In a pot melt a sticks of butter (you may need more depending on how much sauce you like or if you have a bunch of wings. This is for about 24 medium sauced wings.) and then add can of tomato paste. Stir in some salt and Lemon juice. Whisk in a couple teaspoons of marmalade and honey. Add your bottle of Frank’s Buffalo Sauce and half a bottle of Tabasco sauce. Take your fried & drained wings and stir into sauce and serve. I use add wings to a pan, our sauce over and then mix around.

Yummy Roasted Corn

Ears of Fresh White Corn

Olive Oil (I like the organic olive oil Pam so it’s a light spray)

White Crumbly Queso

Lime

Chili powder

Mayo

Lightly cover your corn with olive oil and roast in the oven or grill, turning over occasionally. Mix Mayo, Chili Powder, Lime Juice & Lime zest together. Remove roasted and slather (yes I said, slather) your mayo mixture on the corn. Lastly sprinkle the crumbly queso on top. You will need some corn holders & napkins with this one!

Those are my little homemade favorites. I try to keep as many little snack around as possible. I use White Corn, Blue Corn & Lime Flavored Tortilla chips to  add a little color and zing to chip collection. Salsa is usually a roasted salsa. Of course you must have guacamole. My veggie platter consists of baby carrots, baby corn, zucchini strips, red bell pepper, jicama, cucumbers with a spinach dip. My ex was a big popcorn fan so a little variety of flavored popcorn. Baked beans, Macaroni Cheese, Green Salad (all of which I will post recipes for later on). A pitcher of margaritas (two different flavors), a non alcoholic spritzer, Coke, 7-up, an array of beer. And of course you have to add a bottle of Pinot Noir or Shiraz!

Here’s the thing, once kids get to a certain age where they are soiling the front of their clothes every five seconds with breast milk and formula, it becomes fun to dress them up. Dare I say like little dolls? Boys or girls, really! I mean they just have the cutest mini skinny jeans, ties, vests, graphic T’s & tennis shoes. And my kid loves it when he gets all dressed up! Lots of people without kids don’t realize this, but for the most part raising kids is FUN! Yes, there are lots of sleepless nights, lots of moments you may wanna scream, and you have to schedule in sex.But the joy of parenthood and all the great fun stuff you do with your kids outweigh that stuff FOR SURE! Kids are amazing little people who soak up knowledge and spread love in a way us adults just can’t do, so it’s unbelievable to watch the world turn through their eyes. I’ve never had this much fun in my whole life! I don’t think I’ve laughed and loved this much in my whole life. And to be honest dressing your kid up for an outing is apart of that fun! Especially when they start having opinions about what it is they’d like to pair up for each event! And to kids, EVERYTHING is an event!

Now not to say that my girlfriend meant what she said in a negative way, but I’ve found that people seem to be very very eager to offer their opinion about your parenting skills! And usually they are folks without children! I had some old dried up bitter prune pass me and my sister in Starbucks the other day and say loud enough in passing, “Maybe if someone would pay attention to him he wouldn’t make so much noise!” The best thing she could have done was cowardly walk away as she said this. First of all, clearly you don’t have children if you take my son asking for the milk that isn’t ready yet and for the banana I am trying to peel as someone not paying attention to him. You see after you’ve said 10 times, that it’s not ready and they continue to ask, you just stop answering because the only thing that is gonna shut them up is the thing they want… THAT ISN’T READY YET! But if you had a toddler, I’m sure you could recognize the difference between a toddler’s impatient attitude and parents not paying attention to their child’s needs!

But really, where do you get off? Now I see how my mom would get snappy with strangers coming to our rescue and trying to hand us the chocolate sample we wanted and mom barked we couldn’t have. People are too damn nosey and opinionated!If I wanna let my kid ride his bike to the coffee shop in his doctor’s outfit and drink his milk out of a Starbucks cup like his mom, then what business is that of yours? If he grows up to be a pretentious little know it all because he drank out of Starbucks cup at 2…well then, my bad! But at the end of the day, he’ll be my pretentious little know it all! And if I wanna dress him in skinny jeans, vans & a button down & my Ray-Ban wayfarers to match his outfit, then so be it! He’s my kid and deep down inside, I realize, you just wish you were as cool as my toddler! What can I say, the skinny jean diaper look just isn’t for everyone!

One day you single childless person will be that person pushing a mini pirate around in a grocery cart. Or you’ll be walking a real dog on a leash down the street with a toddler puppy in the stroller! Oh yea! Even you will fall victim to an amazingly wonderful embarrassing imaginative toddler! You too will hear your child announce to the sushi bar that they have pooped! Oh yea! You see you think you are laughing at us and our embarrassment, lack of sleep or sex, and plates of cold food. But really I am here to tell you, us parents are laughing at you. Laughing the most sinister evil laugh that it would put Disney villains to shame! We laugh because we know that one day you will be us looking like scared goats being sent up for the slaughter when your kid insists on wearing a winter knit cap, a colorful tutu, striped leggings, a lab coat and rain boots to go to the movies and you will not be able to convince them otherwise. I look at my single childless siblings and I rub my hands together laughing, waiting for the day when Jax is wearing all of his clothes at one time and their kid as undressed at the sushi bar and refuses to put their clothes back on!

Now if you will excuse me, I have to get my son and dog out of the window and stop them from barking at passerby’s!

From day one I would just talk to him. “Jax, are you hungry? Let’s nurse for 15 mins and see how you feel, maybe you need a little more? If so we’ll get you some formula.” As he grew into an infant I would point out color, amount and sometimes spell things out. “Jax, look at that blue hippo singing on tv. Hippo starts with, H.” This was incorporated into everyday conversation that I had with him. “Would you like a bottle? Yes please, Mommy. Thank you, Mommy.” We read just about every day and every night and we sang songs everyday. I created a song that incorporated the spelling of his name, we sang the alphabet, and 123′s. It didn’t make it fun or boring, it was just apart of his everyday life and conversation. Sure enough as he began to speak he began to recognize things and repeat things eagerly, as if he had these words locked in him and now they could finally be set free. Suddenly I had a 1-year-old who was saying, “Please” & “Thank you” before he could walk well. He knew the difference between the spelling of Jax vs. Jaxon. He was reciting his numbers & letters before he was 20 months old. He seemed to feel empowered and excited every time he was able to recognize a letter out of a word on a box or a billboard. A slowly but surely as I continued this Social Learning experiment, letter recognition grew to word recognition to letter sounding out to word sounding out to now I have a two-year old reading through Hop On Pop & The Cat In The Hat! Yes, you read right, my two-year old is READING!

Now I’m not saying this all due to mommy’s magical preschool education, clearly my son is smart and quick on the pick up. However, I believe it’s my job as his mom to give him all the tools he will need to be the best little dude he can be. I at least have to figure out how to help him have a chance. It could have been that I did all that, and he didn’t begin to read early, and that would have been okay. I’m sure that it would have boosted his social skills or his motor skills or whatever. It couldn’t have hurt. He isn’t burned out from learning, in fact it’s the exact opposite. It’s almost like he’s figured out how to teach himself certain things, and I love that! He’s not just picking up a book and memorizing things, he’s learning through living! I honestly think this is the best way. It makes it easier to incorporate knowledge with life, which is what we should all be doing. Honestly we put so much emphasis on testing and semester competition, that we don’t let it sink in. Almost everything we learn in school will seem irrelevant eventually, and thus disappear. This is where we lose children through the  educational system potholes.

Now yes there are apps, books and tools that I use everyday with Jax as he grows up. In fact now we incorporate an hour each day that is broken up in 15 minute intervals that is dedicated to “Lessons” where we work on writing, matching, vocabulary, science & math. I have been using BrainQuest. I loved BrainQuest when I was a kid! My brothers and I would make games around the little quiz flip cards, not realizing we were learning things. They have now expanded their brand into Kindergarten & Preschool and have added Workbooks along with the flipcards. My son loves his workbook because he gets to color and receives stickers for his accomplishments.

Sure it could be that I’m over doing it or I’m over stimulating. Some would say that a little Gymboree & a little Nick Jr is enough for a 2-year-old. Frankly, I don’t care what people think. He enjoys being able to read things for himself, he enjoys recognizes things and having conversations with people and he’s still a very social 2-year-old. I think when it comes to your kid’s education or discipline, it’s really up to you. You know your kid. You know what you want for your kid. You know what they are capable of. A mommy or daddy instinct is the strongest thing you will ever have. It’s usually never wrong. And there is no book or “expert” that can teach you how to know Your child. You know them! You know you know them. You knew them before they took their first breath. Trust your instincts. Doing that already puts you in the “doing good” parental path.

Ingredients:

You can grind all your spices yourself or buy them as such. I use ground curry as the base, so this is something you want to use the most of.

curry: at least a Tbsp for curry sauce

cumin: at least a Tbsp for curry sauce

clove: at least a tsp for curry sauce

all spice: at least a Tbsp for curry sauce

ginger: at least a tsp for curry sauce

smoke paprika: at least a tsp for curry sauce

nutmeg: at least a tsp for curry sauce

cinnamon: at least a tsp for curry sauce

black pepper: at least a 1/2 tsp for curry sauce

salt: at least a 1/2 tsp for curry sauce

lemon pepper: at least 1/2 tsp for curry sauce

lemon

honey

cayenne

tumeric

onion powder

garlic powder

chopped garlic

olive oil

coconut milk

*peanut sauce

Raisins or Dried Cranberries

Cauliflower

Carrots

Potatoes

Onion

Jasmine Rice

Chicken (whatever parts you want. A whole cut up chicken, wings, legs, quarters, etc)

To Do:

Pre Heat your oven to 400. Rough Chop Cauliflower, Carrots, Potatoes & Onions into large portions or small quarters. Put Chicken in a bowl and season with Olive Oil, Salt, Garlic Powder, Onion Powder, Black Pepper, Cumin & a little Curry Powder. Place in a pan with Carrots, Onions, Potatoes & Cauliflower. Then cover with foil and bake. Start your Jasmine Rice. Pour your Olive Oil into a sauce pan on the stove top and add your garlic to oil and sauté. Once garlic is translucent add all seasonings for the curry sauce base. Make a paste and add more seasonings to your taste/liking. Once the pastes is made add your coconut milk, at least two cans full and turn heat down to low/medium. I usually have to whisk to get everything fine and blended properly. Whisk in peanut sauce to thicken and honey for a slight sweetness. Add Raisins or dried cranberries. Then squeeze in half a lemon. Let heat up and cook for about 20 minutes, continue to whisk and stir. Turn off heat. Check on your chicken. If it’s cooked almost through remove foil and cover with curry sauce. Mix chicken in sauce and then place back in oven to finish cooking with top/foil off the pan.

Serve over rice. You can serve with raw almond slivers, thinly sliced green onion or raw chopped cashews.

Enjoy!

When I was a kid there were no action heroes that looked like me! The hero who saved the world was usually white and male. Sometimes I could get lucky and they would be female…but always white. Not to say that there is anything wrong with that or that it was any less inspirational. It’s just that by being a black American, I know that there are Americans who were different colors and some of those people did heroic things.

I can honestly say that seeing this film made me feel 12 years old all over again! I was able to finally see an amazing film with amazing cinematic shots, vibrant action scenes, the classic heroic musical score where the good guy looked like he could have been my Papa. That could have been my Uncle Johnny up there, or my Granddad, or any of the other men I descend from who fought in World War II. More than anything, that could be my son, facing the odds and doing the right thing. My beautiful brown son could be a hero in his own way just like those fighter pilots. I wanted him to see that. I wanted him to see that there were men out there doing amazing and cool things that looked like him. I know sometimes its hard for people who are not in the minority to know what it feels like to feel like the only people you can look up to don’t look like you because you are always so use to be able to easily identify with stories, heroes, etc. Just know that it feels great when you can walk into Hallmark to buy a card for your boyfriend to express your love and there are two black people on the cover instead of two white people. Not that I don’t support white people or white people being in love, but at that time my boyfriend and I were not two white people in love! LOL! Just like I’m sure it’s hard for a black woman to give her white husband a card expressing her devotion when the there are two black people on the cover! It’s just a nice feeling. And it was a nice feeling to be able to know that when my son sees it again when he’s older and he’s playing airplanes with his friends, they’ll be fighting over who gets to be Easy or Junior or Lightening!

To live in a country as diverse as ours and to be proud of its riches & diversity but not have media that shows that is appalling to me. It’s taken 25 years for George Lucas to be able to produce a wartime action film starring black heroes! And it’s not like this was based on fictional characters, these were actual war heroes that helped this country win the war… the first war on terrorism! People were saying that audiences knew the story of the Tuskegee Airmen, there was a movie already made about them so there was no need for another because no one wanted to see another history film. But that’s where the problem lies, this wasn’t a film on a story. This wasn’t a film on the history. This was a good old-fashioned action film that had a historical element. This was a black Saving Private Ryan. Yes, it was based on fact about a war and a guy, etc. But we didn’t go to the movie to see if Spielberg stayed true to times in Nazi Belgium or if they were using proper military language. We wanted to see Tom Hanks save Pvt. Ryan. We wanted to know how he was gonna do it and see him blow up some Nazi’s in the process! We wanted an action film and we wanted a hero! And he gave us just that! But now here comes Lucas and because the story of the Tuskegee Airmen riddled with racism and bigotry we wanted the story to be laced with the N-word and black men telling the white man to shove it! Why couldn’t he just give us some action and heroes who just happen to be black? Well he did and I’m glad he did! I wish that I could have been young enough to place my poster of Lightening up on my wall next to my poster of Indiana Jones!

I’m seeing so many people talk about the story and the fact that it didn’t go into the story of each pilot enough, etc etc. Well, that’s because I think people are going into the theatre hoping for a historical drama of perseverance and pursuit. It’s not! It’s an action film. George Lucas said that he wanted to make a film that was action based where the heroes were black! He wanted to highlight American Heroes who happen to be of color!

If you’re looking for a film based on the history of the Tuskegee Airmen, don’t go see this film. If you want to be inspired by men of courage during a time of war and racism, go see this film! If you wanna see some amazing cinematic scenes and action sequences, go see this film! If you want to have some new heroes to identify with and look up to, go see this film! If you want to see some shit get blown up in a very vivid cinematic way, go see this film! If you want to prove to Hollywood executives that people want heroes NO MATTER what color, then go see this film! If you want to prove to Hollywood executives that as black people we want to see more films that aren’t riddled with heavy drama, watered down language & Tyler Perry dressed up as an old woman, go see this film! If you love war movies and love history, go see this film! There are about a thousand reasons why you should go see this film, and why you should take your kids! You should see it because we should all be reminded that Courage Has No Color!

With most break ups, you’re allowed a mourning period to be away and get over the situation. But when photos of a happy family are going across your desktop and their face is popping up at the door every single weekend, it’s slightly harder. No matter who did what or how it ended, both people are hurting in their own way so you’re trying to mourn the loss of the relationship. But then you have this other little person that has nothing to do with the contention you have going on with the other adult. Actually this little person or persons are lost in a fog of confusion. They go from having two parents living under the same roof, to sometimes having to be in a new room in an instant. And then there’s mom and dad, who go from having a tag team partner to bathe & put to bed, to someone you can’t even share daily kid stories with. So everyone’s just screwed at this point!

I’m just wondering who do you share with? How do you learn how to share again? I mean I know it’s gonna take the child a while to adjust to new surroundings, to mommy & daddy not being together, to having two homes & sometimes two holidays. But what about the parent? Even when you’re over the relationship, you can’t seem to find a way to get through a conversation without throwing daggers at one another! I have to say that the one thing I HATE about being a single mom is not having someone at 8pm to share a glass of wine with and chit chat about the crazy toddler antics of the day. I’ve come to a point in my relationship with my ex where I forgive and don’t regret. I’m in a place where I see the blessing of our relationship and no matter what was said or how my ex feels about the relationship, I personally don’t see it as a waste. We have this really kid that only he and I could have created! Yet, we can’t seem to be able share everyday growing moments with another! It’s so frustrating! Actually, it’s very sad! To go from sharing everything for years, and now we’re at a stage in Jax’s life where everything is so exciting and changing everyday, and I’m alone in it.

I mean sure we could take the perfunctory year to let all wounds heal and find a place in our hearts to set it all aside and be respectful and loving toward one another, but then what happens to the child in that year. He doesn’t stand still. He’s still growing and learning. There are still decisions to be made in terms of schooling & health. We can’t just stop speaking to one another. I think that’s where people mess up. They are so busy trying to teach the other a lesson, staying on the defense, trying to inflict pain onto the other that they forget that there is a innocent person in the middle of this war, and that innocent person is taking the most infliction. Every negative thing you say about the other parent, every missed call at bedtime, every night spent away from the parent they are use to sharing a roof with is a war wound. It may not be gushing, but it does sting and it does add up. Now I’m not saying that every kid from a single parent household grows up with relationship or personality issues, but kids do feel the pain of separation greater than we do. When we are long over it, our kids still remember when it was Mommy & Daddy’s house and hoping that Mommy or Daddy will come back home.

Okay so what do you do? You suck up your pride and make it easier. Find the respect for this person they deserve as your child’s parent and work from there. The point is, you are still a family. You’re relationship though severed now, did exist and created an amazing person, so work from there. If the other parent is a good parent, continue to encourage them to be just that! Your child didn’t have a choice in being born, you made that decision so treat that relationship with the most respect. Try and understand the situation from you’re kid’s point of view. You look at the world through your child’s eyes anyway, so look at this break up through their eyes too. I promise you’ll stop feeling sorry for yourself and realize who is really hurting. You’ll forget how she broke your heart or how miserable you were or why he fell out of love. You’ll realize that when your kid is visiting and says he wants to go home its not to the other parent, its to your old life. See really, this break up cant be about you!

Talk to your kids! No matter how young! Kids are not stupid, they can sense a change. You risk turning the confusion into resentment and anger in the long run, not making things clear. And yes they will ask over and over! Every time they see you together, it will seem like the progress you make will regress back to pure confusion as to why Daddy isn’t staying after his visit. Find a way to tackle this confusion together and that may lead to a smoother path of communication. Maybe standing together and working on making the little one(s) comfortable will help you both become comfortable with the new situation. And from there you can find a way to speak to one another and enjoy raising this child together. Raising kids is fun! Divorce or a break up shouldn’t change that! And no it’s not easy! The whole situation sucks, plain and simple! But your situation could always be worse than what it is, so stop harping on the negative and search for the positive. Be conscious of your ex-partner and their feelings, respecting them as a human being will help you respect their parental rights. They’re time as ur partner has ended, but not as a parent so encourage that! You’re family is not dissolved, it’s just gotten bigger and different, but it’s still a family. If you are still looking as your post divorce household as a family, then you are on the right track. Because you are, you’re kids still need both of you… and really you both need each other!